Trauma Mastery Coach
YOU ARE
Here’s where I’m supposed to hit you with all the buzz words: “healing,” “recovery,” “broken.”
But this isn’t a funeral–it’s an intersection. And traditional therapy is often too clinical (read: too much book, not enough street). So how about these healing phrases: “tired AF,” “screw this,” and “bullsh*t”?
Why choose a trauma coach over a trauma therapist? Well, let’s consider this quote from CertifiedTraumaRecoveryCoaching.com:
“A coach comes alongside their client to brainstorm, provide information, and examine potential decisions. A therapist can do all of these things, but they often also need to intervene at a deeper level to direct care, prescribe behavior, and make choices on behalf of their client. A coach never takes that much control over a client’s life. Guide and encourage, yes. Command direction, never.” 1
When I served as a Crisis Response Counselor for the California Dept. of Justice, our #1 rule was to never do anything that disempowers victims. Trauma interrupts our power, disconnects us from it. One way in which someone can also be disempowered is when someone “makes choices on their behalf,” like with “commanding,” “directing,” or “prescribing behavior.” In many ways, the very premise of what therapists do is not congruent with what trauma survivors even need.
When I went to therapy for the first time for rape #1, my parents just found a family therapist through their insurance. This lady’s “big breakthrough” with me was to “command me” to read Women Who Run with the Wolves. Yeaaaaa, that fixed up my teen-age intimacy problems real quick. Her incompetence was so legendary that I was scared to get the help I needed. A year went by before I regained the courage to seek out a new therapist.
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I AM
Another thing that sets my Trauma Mastery Coaching apart from other ways to pass through this “thing” is that:
I WILL NEVER ADVISE YOU, ENCOURAGE YOU, OR GUIDE YOU TO FORGIVE AN ABUSER. This is *not* necessary for a full recovery and is often traumatizing in & of itself (again, being disempowered by having someone else “command you” to this neat & tidy conclusion that must surely indicate “all better now”). If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, great.
Pete Walker, author of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: From Surviving to Thriving, writes:
“Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover. Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process.” (read full article)
Please be careful of trauma coaches (and therapists) mentioning on their websites that their approaches involve forgiveness. You haven’t even talked to this person yet, and she has already planted that “seed” in your mind that forgiving the unforgivable is something you’ll be steered towards.
If this were basketball coaching, you’d want to know my basketball resume, right? Well, here’s my “trauma resume:”
THIS IS
“I am a married woman, and you would think that having sex with your husband that loves you unconditionally would be easy, but I had many mental blocks preventing me from giving my husband the love he deserves. Staci made me feel comfortable and asked all the right questions. She got me to think about things I had never thought about before, uncovering some wounds that I didn’t know I had that I knew I needed to heal. Then she gave me great resources, options, and support to start the healing process of my sexual abuse. I now feel more comfortable about my sexuality and having sex. I am forever grateful.”
-A.R.
“Trauma is an opportunity to completely re-invent yourself…if you accept the challenge. Yea, you’re probably going to
have to go 17 rounds against this bitch before the referee raises your glove over your head. But, when that
moment happens, you can be whoever the hell you want and do whatever the hell you want. I truly believe
that trauma is a calling. It’s a masterclass in conquering absolutely anything–that
is something you can’t buy, you can’t learn from a guru or at Harvard,
and you can’t study under a microscope. The gift of knowing how
fucking strong you are is never-ending. Beating this thing is
something that can never be taken away from you…and that is a
power that only a blessed few get to experience. If you grow the
mental and spiritual muscles needed to bench press this monster,
and you spend the rest of your life dealing with demons a
quarter of its size, please tell me when are you going to
ever really, truly, sincerely be afraid again?”
-Excerpt from my article “The Post Traumatic Growth Process: Victim, Survivor, Hero”
YOU ARE
Trauma is a muddy sinkhole. You’re just walking along minding your own business then–bam–a shocking and unbearable new reality. Most people thrash around trying to fight the unfightable. The only way to “win” this fight is to stop struggling, stop running. Complete surrender is the only hope. Screw “leaning in”…DIVING IN to the pain is the light at the end of the tunnel.
Every time you tear up, please remind yourself that those are tears of a fucking warrior. Feeling nothing is not brave. Pretending it was “no big deal” is not healthy. Each Kleenex is like another “badge of courage.” If you’re drowning right now, THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING THIS RIGHT. You’re feeling the feelings. You are allowing yourself sadness, grief, anger, despair. That takes a lot of fucking guts! You may feel stuck or like this is “not going anywhere,” but I assure you, if you’ve embraced the pain, you’ve actually taken the short cut.
Trauma Mastery Coaching Investment – $125/hour. 5x One-Hour Sessions: $600. 10x One-Hour Sessions: $1,100
